I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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