I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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