you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
