You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
