All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
