please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
