it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
