I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
