So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
