That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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