he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What drink are we having for lunch?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
