I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
