How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
