Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
