Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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