Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
