You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
