I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
