I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
