the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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