No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize