Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
