HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
