life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
