hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I cut my penus on the lid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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