so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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