He told me they were just razor bumps!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize