We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
