i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
