I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
