the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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