So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
