Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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