This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
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Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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