So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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