help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
