sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
