I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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