i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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