either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
