Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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