and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize