I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
