You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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