If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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