She went from zero to smokin in five shots
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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