Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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