are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
