he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
