she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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