I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Buhtt sex?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
