I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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