If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
