Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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