BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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