He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize