Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
