You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
