Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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