He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
