You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
