3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
