Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
