he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
