If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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