just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
