new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
