Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
