Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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