On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
