So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
