She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
