so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think I just sharted jello shots
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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