Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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